Elitists

That moment when you see an acquaintance who got pregnant mere seconds after deciding to add a child to their family... And, instead of being jealous and downright angry as in the past, you feel a twinge of pity in your heart. You think to yourself, "Poor thing... too bad she couldn't adopt."

Is it because most of us struggled for years with infertility? Or maybe it is from the invasive home study for which we spent countless hours studying parenting techniques. Perhaps we feel that we have transcended to a new level of love, being able to parent another woman's child.  Whatever it is, we feel it- we are a part of the elite group of mothers that few have the privilege of becoming. We are adoptive moms.

The fight to become mothers, the dedication to educating ourselves to be the best we can be, the new and deeper form of love we fell into along the way... at first subconsciously, then later much more aware, we think of ourselves as the ultimate moms. These other women with biological children just don't understand. They didn't have to fight hard enough, they didn't open their hearts enough, they didn't have to be approved. Obviously we are the better parents, right?

Not true.

We hate the judgement we get from the "outsiders". Thinking we didn't try hard enough, we settled, we gave up. How many times have we wished infertility on someone else (then quickly try to take back the thought of such a terrible punishment) just so they could understand? So why would we judge them so harshly now? We don't understand their struggles either.

I think it is time that all mothers- old fashioned, crunchy, breastfeeders, formula feeders, cloth diapers, disposables, of singles, of multiples, intactivists, pro-circumcision, infertile, adoptive, biological- to put the Mommy Wars aside and learn to support each other. Our children are the future of this world. Why should we teach them to judge and alienate? Maybe one day or kids will lead a generation of peace.